do you understand?

i am so frustrated! i hate not being understood by the people who i need to be understood by. what the crap are we doing for fhe?!?!?!? no one knows! i told... we'll call him jack... that i didn't like the lack of structure and that we need to know by the middle of the week. "oh i understand" said jack. no you don't!!!! you don't understand otherwise you would know where the dang projector was comming from or what we would do if that didn't work out! and further more, boys! i am sensative!! DEAL!!! i love who i am and hate that you feel the need to "tell me the truth" or "point at my flaws." i get hurt easily, SO STOP DOING AND SAYING THINGS THAT HURT ME!! why do you do that? it's okay if you don't agree with my opinion or whatever, but don't be mean. so i do and say dumb things, DON'T rub it in my face! it hurts me!! be sensative to the sensative! you know what i wnat to say to those that don't seem to care and keep going?... stop it!!! i don't like when you always tell me if i make a mistake. if i am sad, STOP SAYING THE SAME KIND OF STUFF THAT MADE ME SAD IN THE FIRST PLACE!! don't give me your crap and stop turing things i say and do into things they are not.

thank you to those that listen to me when i am going through these things. you understand when the person that needs to doesn't. so jessica, gus, robby, nalene, maryanne, and of course, sarah, thankyou for listening even though you may not always really care. thank you for not telling me that you don't care. thank you for being sensative to my sensativity.

Thank You

say what you need to say

Why can’t I just say to people what I want to say? They will get hurt or offended or something. I just want to tell you!!! Do you know how much it bothers me that I can’t? A LOT!! If I like someone I just want to be able to tell him without it being awkward. If something that someone does really bothers me, I feel like I can’t tell them! I hate hurting people. I hate being hurt. Why can’t other people say what they want to say?!?!?! Holy crap! If you want to tell me something tell me!! Don’t avoid it, don’t dance around it, just tell me (however if you are a guy, please be kind about it)! AND! This blog is totally my way of dancing around it. Being the girl I am the person is supposed to look at this and know that it is about them and apply it. But that’s not going to happen!!! Anyway, sometimes I just want to tell a person something without being judged or them thinking badly about me or it changing the relationship in a negative way. I am too scared! Like I said, I don’t like hurting and I don’t like being hurt. Can I PLEASE just tell you?!?!

single shmingle

Today i was thinking about my single life, okay i think about it everyday. i thought i wanted a boyfriend. i don't think i don't want one as much anymore. i decided that i have lived 19 years being single, if you don't count "going out" in elementary school. and i am perfectly fine, sure i want marrige, not now though. and i want a date too, but it's not going to happen if i wanted so much. so i am single for another couple of years, it's nothing new. i have you and lili, and a great family. i will start worring than, if i have no one by than i will probably start freaking out, but for the next year or two, i will just be me and deal with it. right now i like a guy. there is always a guy i like and that's the thing! there is always a guy i like. weather it's tom, Zack, or tyler, i will always have someone to like, and that's cool. this doesn't meen i can meet these guys and not care about them. i really don't like meeting great new people and then never seeing them again. i like staying in touch. i like friends. maybe something will happen, but for now, i won't stress about it.

MISSIONARY WORK IS THE BEST!!

I had the profound privilege of helping two sister missionaries on Friday March 4th. It all started when I wrote my name on a list saying that I would help the missionaries if they ever needed me. Well Friday they needed me. They said they needed a 3rd sister to help teach. I didn’t know why they would need three sisters, but I accepted with pleasure. I went to the designated place, a church house at 6:55 pm (7:00 was the designated time) and called them to ask where we were meeting. They said they were not there yet so we decided that I would just wait in the parking lot for them.

A few minutes later this guy pulled up beside me and sat in his car for a moment, not wanting to be seen in my “car” by this very handsome guy, I got out and started playing with my cell phone. He went into the church and then came back out and stood around. I wondered if I should talk to him but decided not to. At around 7:20 the sister missionaries showed up. I introduced myself and then the cute guy came over. That is when I found out his name, we will call him Zack, and that he was also waiting for the missionaries. I also found out that Zack was there to translate because the investigator, we’ll call him Jack, is Korean and is still learning English. While walking around looking for jack, we talked and got to know each other. At 7:45 we decided to finish waiting. We stood and talked for another minute and all of the sudden, there he was! Jack! We were really happy to see him. He was really surprised to see an American speak Korean. We found an empty room and proceeded to teach jack. I was pretty nervous when I was asked to say anything, but the spirit was so strong that I knew I would be okay. We talked obout the book of mormon, and the prophets form 1000 years ago to today, and Jesus Christ, of course. I also became very fond, to say the least, of Zack. He is a returned missionary, obviously, and to see him teaching was so amazing, it made him that much more attractive in my eyes. I don’t know the last time that I had such a spiritual experience. It was a very spirit led discussion. I learned things and I knew that Jack was learning to. What and amazing feeling. I am SO grateful for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I can’t wait to go teach him again and feel that great spirit. And thank you to all the men and women who could serve missions and did. i love missionary work.

show some respect!

i do NOT like those people who think it's okay not to vote. you don't like our government? than change it... BY VOTING! men DIED for you to vote!! how rude and disrespectful of you to dishonor them and say"i don't want to vote." further more!! to all those that think america is crap, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!! go live in africa or somewhere like that. starve, be scared for your life all 24/7 and have a government that doesn't care about ANYTHING except there money, so much so, that you don't have ANY. and THEN if you prefer that more, i will listen to your crap about this country. i know we don't have a perfect government, but it's better than those others. and those men in iraq, SUPPORT THEM! so you don't like the war, FINE! those that are dying for our country aren't fans either. but what a punch in the gut to not support them! i love the United States Of America and am glad i live here. those that give crap and do nothing about it drive me INSANE! i can't stand it! go away!! make room for those that like there country and support it!

thankyou.

FLAKE; drop, foil, layer, leaf, membrane, plate, scale, section, shaving, slice, sliver, wafer

There are a lot of flakes in the world right? Potato, onion, garlic, and snow. I don't mind any of these. I mind the people flakes. You know, flakey people? Let me give you an example. Jill says she will go to the movies with me Friday night. She tells me she can't wait and is defiantly going. Here comes Friday night. Jill calls and says "sorry I can't go" or she just doesn't show up at all. JILL we had these plans for a long time!! Come on!!

If you make plans with me keep them!! I don't make plans unless I know I can keep them. And if something, like work, comes up I do everything in my power to get it off. if i get really sick i call and explain. I hate letting people down and always do everything i can to keep my word. Why can't everyone else do the same? It really irritates me.
I had party a few days ago. A lot of people said they would come. NO ONE CAME!! What a letdown. We went dancing the other night. SO many people didn't show and they said they would come. Why would you say that?!?!? Why couldn't you at least have the courtesy to call and let someone know you couldn't make it?

Or those people who say they will go if nothing else comes up. What?!?! If nothing else comes up? So you won't make plans with me because you might make plans with someone else? How lame can you be?

So the point is, if you make plans, keep them. Thanks you.

i HATE boys! except...

i HATE boys! i hate them i hate them i hate them. except like 5 of them, you probably know who you are. anyways, they bring out the best in me or the worst in me. why can't i just be me? i can be me with jessica, or lili, or a lot of other girls, so why not boys? i like me. i am fun and smart and say funny thing, not always on purpose, but still. there is one who is so disrespectful! to everyone. i am so not friends with him anymore. then there are the ones who won't ask me to get together, i have to ask them. it's okay the first couple of times, but then what? we just stop talking? i want to be 6 again so i can hate boys because they are "ikky" not because they are stupid, rude, and clueless. i hate hating them. leave me alone! get out of my head! just let me be myself! i can't even explain it!

i'm done. i am a little sad now so i don't want to think about anymore.